There I was minding my own business, came out of the mosque one Friday and jumped on a 54 bus to Pristina, all was kushty. Fell asleep didn’t I…only missed my bleeding stop, next thing I knew I was in Syria. Blimey, what a turn up. My mum would have been pissed if she’d known. Still, eh, when in Rome, so I joined an Islamic terrorist organisation….well, I had a beard already so why not! Had second thoughts as me old mum would have a fit if she knew I was fighting with terrorists in the name of Allah…so I offski’d to a lovely little group that swore blind they were fighting for Allah but definitely weren’t terrorists. They trained me to shoot and kill but I swear to Allah I never shot no-one…honest. Then I thought maybe this ain’t for me, all this murderous killing that is going on all around me but which, honest, had nothing to do with me at all…so I did a runner to another Islamist extremist group that promised that they were just there to make sure the infidels and blasphemers were murdered humanely in Allah’s name. I thought that’s for me but then my old mum came and got me and dragged me off home. I wasn’t a terrorist she told the court, I was just a naughty boy…still, they gave me 3 years for terrorist offences. My mum says always look on the bright side of life…easy for her to say, she’s not going to have to share a small cell with some sex-starved hairy-arsed gorilla for 3 years. Then the BBC came over and give me a nice write-up…boy are they stupid. I join three terrorist groups and they call me the ‘accidental Jihadist’…..lol.