Life of Albert

There I was minding my own business, came out of the mosque one Friday and jumped on a 54 bus to Pristina, all was kushty.  Fell asleep didn’t I…only missed my bleeding stop, next thing I knew I was in Syria.  Blimey, what a turn up.  My mum would have been pissed if she’d known.  Still, eh, when in Rome, so I joined an Islamic terrorist organisation….well, I had a beard already so why not!  Had second thoughts as me old mum would have a fit if she knew I was fighting with terrorists in the name of Allah…so I offski’d to a lovely little group that swore blind they were fighting for Allah but definitely weren’t terrorists.  They trained me to shoot and kill but I swear to Allah I never shot no-one…honest.  Then I thought maybe this ain’t for me, all this murderous killing that is going on all around me but which, honest, had nothing to do with me at all…so I did a runner to another Islamist extremist group that promised that they were just there to make sure the infidels and blasphemers were murdered humanely in Allah’s name.  I thought that’s for me but then my old mum came and got me and dragged me off home.  I wasn’t a terrorist she told the court, I was just a naughty boy…still, they gave me 3 years for terrorist offences.  My mum says always look on the bright side of life…easy for her to say, she’s not going to have to share a small cell with some sex-starved hairy-arsed gorilla for 3 years.  Then the BBC came over and give me a nice write-up…boy are they stupid. I join three terrorist groups and they call me the ‘accidental Jihadist’…


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4 Responses to Life of Albert

  1. Broadcasting-on-Behalf-of-the-Caliphate says:

    The BBC have an actual team embedded within the Islamic Rebel group in Syria. The rebels are against ISIS because it is a rival faction vying for power, and they are both against Assad’s rule.

    Most of the BBC reports from Syria are collaborative efforts between BBC reporters and Islamic Rebel activists, who provide stories, pictures and video that includes pretty western looking children with red blood marks on their faces and looking sad for propaganda purposes.

    This is an example of how the BBC operate most of the time: a collaboration between reporters (who are often activists themselves) and the activists – which includes direct collaboration (and employment) of Islamists, feminists, transgenderists, socialists …

    The BBC also appears to receive funds and perks from Arabic states and other groups (further research needed).

    In the above story referred to by Alan, the jihadi in question admits to wanting and receiving training in how to fight and kill and wanting to get started as soon as possible: “He was taught how to take apart, clean and reassemble a Kalashnikov … I really thought I would complete my training and be included in the battlefield right away …

    He claims his only regret was finding himself fighting alongside groups that were affiliated to ISIS and that the battlefield conditions didn’t match his romantic notion of fighting a Holy War – presumably because of the bombardments received from NATO, Russia and Syria. As always the BBC was entirely sympathetic to his story.


    • Oaknash says:

      Aaaah – the BBC the terrorists friend

      Its always the fault of someone else or the wannabee terrorist is always some sort of victim. We have had poor little Jihadi Jack (doing humanitarian work – as you do) Theresa bring the poor boy back – hes from Oxford you know!
      We have also had the Jihadis brides providing support for Jihadi murderers – bring “our girls” home” too. (pity they were unable to spare a thought for the men and women raped and murdered by these savages. I personally blame the police for not stopping them – Poor parents!

      All I can think is that either the BBC is staffed by kidults who still do not have any idea of what personal responsibility is and / or is staffed by people who actually hate our society and see these people a good thing,

      It really is time they dropped the word British from the BBC title. THEY DONT DESERVE IT ANYMORE.


    • Richard Pinder says:

      That would explain why most of the dead and injured on the BBC seem to be children. The BBC team must be encouraging the Islamic Rebel group in Syria to use children as human shields.
      In Palestine it was launching rockets from the top of schools during school hours. Schools frequented by the children of rival Palestinian political parties. In Syria the Islamic groups can use Christian children.

      The BBC wants the viewer to think that Assad is deliberately targeting Children. But I don’t think anyone I know is fooled by the BBC’s agenda.


  2. Up2snuff says:

    What can one say about the BBC in this case?

    More Gullibles Travels.

    Total mugs.