A guide to speaking Beebish

As a project for the weekend I’ve decided to make a start on the World’s first Beebish/English dictionary. My hope is it will eventually prove an invaluable tool for the audience to better understand the BBC’s news reports – or that I might be able to flog it to the Beeb as a training resource for bucket loads of cash.

I have a few entries below already, but I’d be grateful for suggestions of others* that should be included.

* with links if possible.

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162 Responses to A guide to speaking Beebish

  1. The Beebinator says:

    diverse = piss off whitey youre not wanted here

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/info/policies/diversity.shtml

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  2. Lurkingblackhat says:

    Think tank = Left wing think tank

    Influential think tank = A tthink tank we like

    Right wing think tank = none of the above

    Prank = Illegal, immoral, obscene bullying

    Controversial (i) = Something that has received wide spread support but WE DON’T LIKE

    Controversial (ii) = Something that has received wide spread condemnation but WE SUPPORT

    Contrversial (iii) = We have been caught doing some illegal, immoral or obsene……….. AGAIN (see also “Prank”

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  3. Jonathan Boyd Hunt says:

    The disgraced former Tory MP Neil Hamilton
    =
    The fitted-up-by-the-Beeb-Guardian-axis wholly innocent former Conservative MP Neil Hamilton

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  4. Jonathan Boyd Hunt says:

    Wide range of views
    =
    Wide range of views from Marxist to liberal

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  5. Jonathan Boyd Hunt says:

    Search for the truth
    =
    search for anything to attack or undermine:
    a) Christians
    b) conservatism
    c) general fabric of Western society

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  6. mikewineliberal says:

    You should start a Biased BBC lexicon too.

    Martin would have camp, mincer gay = Labour MP

    and Twat = anyone he disagreed with/me

    Jonathan – Neil Hamilton = modern day dreyfus.

    Sue – Melanie Phillips = mad mel

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  7. dross says:

    edgy comedian = unfunny leftist c***

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  8. Michael St George says:

    A few contributions •

    “xenophobic” = pro-Britain

    “internationalist” = anti-Britain

    “extreme right-wing” = anywhere to the right of centre-left

    “edgy” = mouthy, crude, tawdry, singularly un-funny and conspicuously devoid of any discernable talent but with impeccable left-liberal views (and funded by all you idiot licence payers

    “truth” = our in-house left-liberal consensus

    “democratic” = what we like

    “populist” = what you like

    Keep ‘em coming • if you are quick off the mark, this could be the surprise Xmas best-seller

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  9. David says:

    Conservative = Iran

    That’s the one that annoys me the most. Iran is almost always painted as having a ‘conservative’ leadership; like conservatism now includes radical and fundamental Islam.

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  10. Gaz says:

    Independent report = Government funded body producing report telling government why it needs more funding

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  11. Michael Taylor says:

    ‘Audacious’ = grotesquely horrific mass murder.

    cf early BBC reports on 9/11.

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  12. Adam says:

    A root and branch review of a robust new framework to make sure this never happens again and lessons ard learned
    =
    The DG will have a look at it when he gets back from holiday.

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  13. cameron says:

    rocketeer – nice word for cuddly terroristt shelling children
    Tribal leaders – Taliban
    Mood music – something where during a 2 way they empathize with whoever is being attacked by our troops.

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  14. John Bosworth says:

    abusive = funny

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  15. archduke says:

    “UK troops” = “European Union army”

    prime example here:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7703765.stm
    “UK troops may be sent to congo”

    you have to read through the article where you end up getting this nugget:

    “He said that contingency plans were being drawn up for the deployment of an EU force to bolster United Nations peacekeepers. “

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  16. Lurkingblackhat says:

    Disgraced (as in politican) = Any Conservative what has done anything ever that might be construed as wrong.

    e.g. anything from getting a parking ticket or a red gas bill.

    Respected (as in politican) =

    Keith Vaz
    David Blunkett
    John “I too important to pay my own council tax” Prescott
    Steven Byers
    Peter Mandelson
    Wendy Alexander
    Castro
    ……sorry I might run out of ink

    Misunderstood / before their time =
    Pol Pot
    Stalin
    Mao (especially commended for the Cultural Revoltion)

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  17. archduke says:

    “tragedy” = a deliberate act of horrific and violent terrorism on a civilian target with the intention of causing as many deaths as possible

    e.g.

    the “tragedy” of 9/11

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  18. xlr says:

    Climate change – Weather

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  19. Lurkingblackhat says:

    Popular = E.g Labour when doing well in the polls

    Popularist = e.g Conservatives when doing well in the polls

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  20. archduke says:

    “terrorism” = a U.S. army operation that eliminates several Al Qaeda operatives.

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  21. d says:

    It is not only the meaning of words, it is the way that they are used which is can be equally harmful.

    The BBC is always dismissive of non-lefties. For example a news report will go along these lines “The government says that labour policies are the best thing since sliced bread” followed by ” The tories claim that they are a disaster for the whole universe”

    The BBC always gives the labour position more substance, the conservatives do not have the authority to “say” but can only “claim” as if to say that no one really takes these fools seriously.

    I even find the way that the BBC uses the word “Tory” worthy of closer examination. Maybe I am being too sensitive !

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  22. archduke says:

    “militant” – a jew hating Islamic terrorist

    “truce” – a period of time where Hamas or Hezbollah rearm themselves

    “breaking the truce” – when Hamas or Hezbollah start killing Israelis again

    “overcrowded” – population density of an empty field in the Gaza strip

    “bustling” – severely overcrowded Hong Kong

    “activist” – someone who supports Hamas

    “right wing” – someone who supports Israel

    “far right” – someone who supports the socialist government of Ehud Olmert.

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  23. archduke says:

    “excessive use of force” – a successful airstrike that takes out several terrorists

    “blown up” – a spontaneous reaction that happens to certain israeli restaurants , iraqi marketplaces and iraqi pipelines. depends on the phase of the moon and the alignment of the planets and has nothing whatsoever to do with Islam.

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  24. Lee Moore says:

    “breaking the truce” – when Hamas or Hezbollah start killing Israelis again

    No, no, no. Pay attention at the back there.

    “breaking the truce” – when Israel responds to Hamas or Hezbollah starting killing Israelis again

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  25. archduke says:

    “fighting” – a genocidal rampage by African troops or civilians, usually against unarmed civilian targets

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7703606.stm

    “rebels” – machete wielding genocidal thugs , high on crack, and toting a machine gun. usually of African origin

    “peacekeepers” – UN troops who observe the aforementioned genocide happening. usually followed by “talks”

    “talks” – discussions on how to increase the scope of a UN gravy train. usually in Africa.

    “U.S. apache gunship” – an effective anti-genocide weapon. usually not mentioned in “talks”

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  26. archduke says:

    Lee Moore | 01.11.08 – 1:31 pm

    sorry sir! i stand corrected!

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  27. archduke says:

    “melting ice caps” – what happens to polar ice during the summer.

    “melting ice caps” – what happens to polar ice during the winter

    “shrinking” – the polar ice caps as they expand during the winter months.

    “carbon dioxide” – a highly toxic and poisonous gas that is worse than cyanide or cigarette smoke.

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  28. GCooper says:

    Global warming – decreasing temperature

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  29. Susan Franklin says:

    so-called = bogus

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  30. archduke says:

    “religious right” – a libertarian atheist who thinks that the idea of gay marriage might not be a good idea in the long run.

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  31. Susan Franklin says:

    In polls out today labour have slashed the Conservative’s lead = The Conservatives are still way ahead but we don’t want to tell you that

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  32. archduke says:

    “troubled” – completely and utterly incompetent and a disastrous waste of money

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7702930.stm

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  33. archduke says:

    “torture” – asking some questions to an al qaeda operative
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7701773.stm

    “anti-U.S. protest” – what people in Iran or Syria do at the barrel of a gun, or under threat of torture.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7697630.stm

    “oil talks” – Gordon Brown grovelling and begging to the Arabs because he’s fucked up the british economy

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7703862.stm

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  34. glj says:

    When groups of Taliban or other terrorist organisations get together to discuss tactics and strategy this is known as a “wedding party”

    Any aggresive action taken by Israel to defend it’s citizens from terrorist attack is known as a “war crime”

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  35. archduke says:

    “torture”, “humiliation” – what U.S. troops do to Gitmo prisoners

    “comedy” – what Brand and Woss did to Andrew Sachs.

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  36. Michael St George says:

    and a few more –

    “catastrophic” = naturally occurring and normal. NB must ALWAYS be used in conjunction with “climate change” (qv)

    “overwhelming national consensus” = this morning’s editorial in the Guardian

    “independent” (as in “independent study”) = knocked up by a gap year polytechnic student off the internet to confirm the conclusions we specified

    “balanced” = three ultra-lefties plus one centre-leftie

    “impartial” = blatantly leftie-biased

    “analytical” = covertly leftie-biased

    “recognised moderate community leader” = self-appointed, unelected, unrepresentative extremist

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  37. glj says:

    “tipping point” – we need to do something right now, before everybody realizes that this whole global warming scam is bunkum.

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  38. rightofcentre says:

    How about

    white youths = “guilty as hell”

    youths = “troubled ethnic minorities, almost certainly innocent”

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  39. Michael St George says:

    “our European partners” = all those hopeless, state-socialism basket cases who want to take us down with them

    “progressive” = rabidly marxist

    “centrist” = only mildly marxist, not as much as we would like

    “reactionary” = libertarian, democratic and patriotic

    “greedy” = successful in well paid job at market-set rates of pay

    “fat cat” = as above

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  40. Bryan says:

    Ain’t nobody said “Militants” = Islamic terrorists.

    “Settlers” = all Israelis east of the Tel Aviv beach front:

    Israeli dies in settlement attack.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7686047.stm

    I believe it was the eminent Biodegradable who pointed out that Gilo is not a settlement.

    Honest Reporting also got on the BBC’s case on Gilo here:

    http://www.honestreporting.com/articles/45884734/critiques/new/A_Stabbing_in_Gilo.asp

    “Tensions flare” = Muslims attack Christians and destroy churches:

    Relations between Muslims and the Coptic minority – which makes up 5%-10% of Egypt’s population – are generally calm, although tensions sometimes flare.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/4366232.stm

    “Fighters” = Hezbollah terrorists murdering Israeli civilians:

    http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=BBC+Hezbolah+fighters+resistance&btnG=Search

    “War Crimes” = IDF counter-atttack against Hezbollah strongholds in Beirut:

    http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=Jeremy+Bowen+War+Crimes+Israel+Hezbollah&btnG=Search

    The first three links on the page are interesting and the fifth link has the 11-second condensed recording of Bowen accusing Israel of war crmes, from the wonderful “Drinking from Home” blog, unfortunately no longer active.

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  41. Andy says:

    RAF plane = “Symbol of Destruction”

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7351628.stm

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  42. xlr says:

    BBC survey October 2004 – 81% back TV licence http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/broadcasting/a16290/bbc-81-percent-back-tv-licence.html

    = BBC survey March 2004 – 69% against TV licence http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/3537567.stm

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  43. Bryan says:

    archduke | 01.11.08 – 1:14 pm,

    I was debating some BBC-lovers on a BBC blog about that very subject. They think 9/11 was a tragedy. I pointed out that a tragedy is what happens when peope die in an earthquake, and that 9/11 was an atrocity. They seem to be genuinely unable to make the distinction. It’s difficult to believe that political bias can cause people to be that stupid.

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  44. George R says:

    Women = Labour’s Ministry of.

    Whites = spokesman, Trevor Philips.

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  45. archduke says:

    wow – the headline on that story about a rebuilt Vulcan is astonishing!

    they really cant help themselves, can they?

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  46. Bob says:

    “died” = brutally murdered by muslims
    “martyred” = murderous islamic terrorist killed
    “misguided criminal” = see above
    “terrorists” = American and British army
    “diverse community” = murderous islamic terrorist supporters

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  47. George R says:

    Leadership = Mark Thompson

    Schama = Obama

    Question Time = BBC political balance

    Trust = BBC Trust

    McCain = Bush

    Calm, thoughtful, no vested political interests = Kirsty Wark

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  48. Martin says:

    Scandal/sleaze = anything Tory

    mistake/misunderstanding = Labour sleaze

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  49. betyangelo says:

    Respected popular governor of a wealthy state = inexperienced

    Crooked Chicago thug = Messiah

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